Starting in Sydney; ending in London
Contents of my bag. 10kg in total.
And so it begins... — Sydney, Australia.
Sydney Opera House. — Sydney, Australia.
The world's biggest rocking horse (that doesn't look like a horse and no longer rocks). — Adelaide, Australia.
For the trainspotters out there. The oldest train station in Australia. — Melbourne, Australia.
"Welcome to the Melbourne Cricket Ground". How about welcome to my middle finger? — Melbourne, Australia.
Ridiculous looking tan lines due to my flip-flop only policy. — Adelaide, Australia.
A salt lake somewhere between Adelaide and Coober Pedy. — Adelaide, Australia.
Where I spent Christmas Eve & Day. — Coober Pedy, Australia.
I spent most of Christmas Day sitting on a milk crate looking at these turkeys, but never actually ate one. — Coober Pedy, Australia.
Ash and Aida, whose house I stayed at over Christmas. — Coober Pedy, Australia.
The waterless Todd River. — Alice Springs, Australia.
The sunsets in the outback look like something from another planet. — Alice Springs, Australia.
Awwwww... baby kangeroos are so cute. — Mataranka, Australia.
No swimming today. — Mataranka, Australia.
Thermal spring at Mataranka. Nice and relaxing - apart from all of the bat shit floating around in it. — Mataranka, Australia.
Where I stayed for two weeks. Less crappy inside than it looks from the outside. — Darwin, Australia.
Please let me on your boat. Pleaseeeeeeeee. — Darwin, Australia.
Hanging out at the harbour. Singing sea shanties and looking generally seaworthy didn't work. — Darwin, Australia.
The outback. — Western Australia.
Possibly the nicest city I've ever been to. — Perth, Australia.
The execution room at Fremantle Prison. 40+ people were hung at this very spot. — Fremantle, Australia.
MSC Uganda. The ship I travelled on. — Fremantle, Australia.
Containers being loaded on to the ship. — Fremantle, Australia.
My cabin onboard the MSC Uganda. — Indian Ocean.
The crew of the ship. German brains. Kiribatian brawn. — Indian Ocean.
Somewhere in the Indian Ocean.
Just in case we had to abandon ship in the middle of the night. — Indian Ocean.
Singapore has some of the best hotels in the world. And also this place, the Hawaii Hostel.
Land of shiny skyscrapers. — Singapore.
If you're going to build something, may as well give it a futuristic look. — Singapore.
Singapore Flyer & The Gardens By The Bay. — Singapore.
'Super Tree Grove' (normal trees need not apply.) — Singapore.
The highest indoor waterfall in the world (apparently). — Singapore.
Singapore has loads of shopping malls. Not one of them has a TK Maxx or a Matalan. — Singapore.
Chinatown. — in Singapore.
Eating braised pig trotter. Tasted like, hmmmm, pork. — Singapore.
Why ride underground when you can ride in the sky? Well, 20m above the ground anyway. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Petronas Towers. The tallest twin buildings in the world. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
The market outside Masjid Jamek. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
The 272 steps into Batu Caves and the largest Murugan (who?!) statue in the world. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
A statue of a monkey or a monkey pretending to be a statue? — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
On a walking and eating tour of KL. I'd rather get wet than look like a div. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Street food. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Ladies, you're taking the piss now. You can have the vote or your own train carriages, but not both. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Had to sign a form before going up this (KL Tower) saying that I wouldn't base jump off it. What a waste of a sheet of paper. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
The view of KL from the top of KL Tower. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Don't drink the tap water. — Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
The high street in Georgetown. No Tesco Express. No McDonalds. — Penang, Malaysia.
Street art in Penang. Bruce Lee 1 Cat 0. — Penang, Malaysia.
Street art. — Penang, Malaysia.
Everyone likes a few plants around the office but this is one too many. — Penang, Malaysia.
Everyone likes a few plants around the office but this is one too many. — Penang, Malaysia.
I found Google's secret headquarters. — Penang, Malaysia.
Malasysia into Thailand. — Dannok,Thailand.
Home for a few days in Ao Nang. Not as 'Grand' as the sign states. — Ao Nang, Thailand.
Like Jurassic Park but without the dinosaurs. — Ton Sai Beach, Krabi, Thailand.
So annoying when there's no toilet paper. — Railay Beach, Thailand.
The Thongument. These flip-flops were abandoned by their owners. It breaks my heart. — Railay Beach.
Electricians in Thailand have my utmost sympathy. — in Patong, Thailand.
Rent a friend. — in Patong, Thailand.
My 'room' for 3 weeks. — Bangkok, Thailand.
In the Chinese Embassy. Looks orderly here, but behind me is chaos. — Bangkok, Thailand.
An anti-government protest. — Bangkok, Thailand.
Thailand has more Golden Buddhas than you can shake an incense stick at. — Bangkok, Thailand.
Red-Bull-fuelled tuk-tuk. — Bangkok, Thailand.
Bangkok is best dealt with by taking a valium in the morning and a viagra at night. — Bangkok, Thailand.
"So, today we'll be learning about the birds and bees..." — in Chachoengsao, Thailand.
Give me a fish and you'll feed me for a day. Give me a fishing net and I'll starve. — Maha Sarakham, Thailand.
Give me all your Sangsom or I'll blow your head off. — Maha Sarakham, Thailand.
Are people still really doing that Communism thing?! — Vientiane, Laos.
Not every room I stay in is crap. — Vientiane, Laos.
Lao's attempt at the Arc De Triomphe. 4/10. — Vientiane, Laos.
The millions of undetonated bombs that 'someone' dropped on Laos during the Vietnam War are still blowing people up today. — Vientiane, Laos.
The hazardous roads through mountainous northern Laos.
Town + River + Mountains = Photo For Facebook — Luang Prabang, Laos.
The mighty Mekong River. — Luang Prabang, Laos.
Kuang Si waterfalls. — Luang Prabang, Laos.
For anyone who played the original Grand Theft Auto. — Luang Prabang, Laos.
Rickety bamboo bridge over the Khan River. — Luang Prabang, Laos.
All aboard the (bumpy) sleeper bus. — Laos.
The Laos/China border. Ok, deep breath, here we go...
Started off by smashing bricks with his hand and then started wrapping metal rods around his neck. — Kunming, China.
China Rule No.731: Don't spit out of a bus window through the sunroof of a passing vehicle belonging to little ninjas. (Especially if there is a little ninja sitting behind you on the bus.)
— Kunming, China.
Words can't explain the feeling of panic when you're touching cloth and find this. — Kunming, China.
Train buds on the way from Kunming to Chengdu.
You know that rice you got from your local Chinese takeaway? It came from here. — China.
"Errrrrrrrrr…me no speak-e or read-e Chinese-e" — Chengdu, China.
Chairman Mao loved red but hates human rights. — Chengdu, China.
Born between 1976-1985? Yes. Height over 1.75m? Yes. Outstanding ability? Yes. Sense of responsibility? Sorry, no. — Chengdu, China.
Have a break...have some bamboo. At the Panda Breeding Centre. — Chengdu, China.
If you're going to spend 48 hours on a train, may as well go VIP. — Chengdu, China.
The north western side of China looks a lot like this.
Take the train through China and you get views like this. Almost makes it worth it.
Problem: terrorists keep blowing things up and stabbing people. Solution: get the tanks in. — Ürümqi, China.
The scrum outside the Kazakhstan Consulate. Hours of my life and a slice of my soul were lost here. — Ürümqi, China.
No, seriously, this is China. Well, it is since they invaded this region in the 1950s anyway. — Ürümqi, China.
24 hours on the sleeper bus from Urumqi to Almaty.
Snow? No one told me to expect snow. I'm woefully underprepared for this. — China.
A Kazakh-style service station.
Life on the road. — Kazakhstan.
Chimbulak. 3000+ metres up. Can almost touch the clouds. — Almaty, Kazakhstan.
Afternoon snooze. It's hard work going up mountains. — Almaty, Kazakhstan.
Zenkov Cathedral. Designed by an architect on acid. — Almaty, Kazakhstan.
Soviet-style building. Nice in a grey, concrete kind of way. — Almaty, Kazakhstan.
Dinner at the flat of the naked ex-Soviet officer I met at a sauna. — Almaty, Kazakhstan.
Almaty train station. Clocking up another 24 hour trip. — Kazakhstan.
A lot of Kazakhstan looks a lot like this.
The Bayterek Tower. One of many wacky buildings in the city paid for by oil money. — Astana, Kazakhstan.
The Khan Shatyr. The biggest tent in the world. — Astana, Kazakhstan.
Pyramid 2.0. Much better than those old ones in Egypt. — Astana, Kazakhstan.
A camel farm somewhere between Atyrau and Aktau. — Kazakhstan.
Stayed here for a couple hours before manning up and running off. — Aktau, Kazakhstan.
The ticket for the magical, mystery boat to Baku. — Aktau, Kazakhstan.
Sunset over the Caspian Sea.
Crossing the Caspian Sea on the Professor Gul (with only six other passengers).
The Caspian Hostel in Baku. Literally the cheapest place in town. — Baku, Azerbaijan.
The flagpole in the background used to be 'The World's Biggest Flag Pole', but then other countries built bigger ones, so now it's just a normal flag pole. — Baku, Azerbaijan.
As much as I wanted to buy a rug and a wheel I really couldn't. — Baku, Azerbaijan.
A map of Azerbaijan for you to print off and keep in your pocket. Do it - you never know when it might come in useful. — Sheki, Azerbaijan.
Is this a people sized cat flap or simply a people flap? It's questions like these that keep me awake at night. — in Sheki, Azerbaijan.
A town that time forgot. — in Sheki, Azerbaijan.
Half the cars in Azerbaijan are Ladas. They either really love them or can't afford anything better.
— Sheki, Azerbaijan.
Checking out of Azerbaijan. Not a bad country. 7/10.
Two nights spent here. Hotel? No. Guesthouse? No. Random's House? Yes. — Telavi, Georgia.
You know those fairground machines where you have to grab a cuddly toy with a claw thing? This is one of those…for cigarettes. — Telavi, Georgia.
Note to the Pope: build churches in beautiful places and more people will go. Also: make the book shorter and less boring. — Kakheti, Georgia.
The ancient wall around Signagi. Needed to keep out those pesky Russians, Turks, Persians, etc. — in Georgia.
This homemade contraption makes Cha Cha, which is the local 50+% spirit / paint-stripper. It drips into a bucket where that old dude is sitting. — Kakheti, Georgia.
Tbilisi is part ghetto, part heritage site. — Georgia.
Roll up, roll up. Buy your Soviet-era junk here. Three medals for a pound. Buy a knife, get a flag free. — Tbilisi, Georgia.
Cat lady. She had a big syringe. Not sure if she's saving them or killing them. — Tbilisi, Georgia.
A typical Georgian lunch. Meat dumplings washed down with a beer and a cigarette for dessert. — Tbilisi, Georgia.
Big Wheel + Big Green Tree + Big Caucasus Mountains. — Batumi, Georgia.
No need for maps. Everything is labelled. — Turkey.
For Sale: Penis-shaped house. Two bedrooms. Grey interior. No Central Heating. Will accept 80,000 magic beans ONO. — Göreme, Turkey.
Lunar-like landscape — Göreme, Turkey.
Did I really wake up at 5am to watch hot air balloons?! — Göreme, Turkey.
This is what apartment blocks looked like in the past. — Göreme, Turkey.
Spot the goat hidden in this picture and win a prize. — Göreme, Turkey.
Europe to the left of me, Asia to the right; stuck in the middle with a kebab. — Istanbul, Turkey.
Why bother fishing in Istanbul? Just buy a kebab instead. — Istanbul, Turkey.
Turkish tea and a Davidoff Gold Slim cigarette on the banks of the Bosphorus River. — Istanbul, Turkey.
The Blue Mosque. — Istanbul, Turkey.
Man Vs. Kebab — Istanbul, Turkey.
A Turkish tea house. Where the Turks, err, drink tea. — Istanbul, Turkey.
It's not so delightful after the 83rd piece of it. — Istanbul, Turkey.
Sofia is crap. Really crap. So you'll have to make do with this as it was slim pickings for photo opportunities. — Sofia, Bulgaria.
This monstrosity is Bulgaria's National Palace Of Culture. — Sofia, Bulgaria.
The Alexander Nevsky Cathedral is Sofia's one redeeming feature. — Sofia, Bulgaria.
The underground is nicer than the overground. — Sofia, Bulgaria.
Sofia to Belgrade. Another notch on the passport. — Serbia.
Fifteen years after being bombed by NATO, they still haven't tided up. — Belgrade, Serbia.
It's a fake beach, but a beach nonetheless, and I'm desperate after not seeing once since Thailand. — Belgrade, Serbia.
Told you I didn't need to pack any swim shorts. — Belgrade, Serbia.
It's that time of the month when I have wash my feet. — Belgrade, Serbia.
A man with a big snake standing on top a statute of a big man playing a trumpet. — Guca, Serbia.
Spit Roast + Trumpet = Party — Guca, Serbia.
Sorry, mate, someone's got to play the drum. You can play the trumpet next year. — Guca, Serbia.
A Jelen-fuelled night of turbo-folk trumpet playing is on the cards. — Guca, Serbia.
After you've passed thirty, is it still ok to go to funfairs even if you're not taking a kid there? I guess so, so long as you don't take one away with you, right? — Guca, Serbia.
Train survival badge no.438 = Sit on the aisle floor for hours in an overly-packed train after abandoning the other one because it came off the tracks in the middle of the night somewhere in the Serbian countryside.
Another day, another station. — Budapest, Hungary.
Where I stayed in Budapest. — Hungary.
Great spa. Minus points for nakedness not being permitted. — Budapest, Hungary.
Budapest's knock-off of London's Houses Of Parliament. — Hungary.
Statue of a man on a horse? Check. Church? Check. — Budapest, Hungary.
Budaland. Like Disneyland, but without the annoying mouse. — Budapest, Hungary.
Dancing like nobody's watching (with a big old Communist statue). — Budapest, Hungary.
If I knew how to drive, and if this car actually worked, then I'd drive it back to London. — Budapest, Hungary.
A "ruin pub". It looks like junk, until it gets dark and you get drunk, and then it looks like art. — Budapest, Hungary.
The underside of a hostel bunk bed is a great place to read words of words of wisdom. Well, words anyway. — Vienna, Austria.
Photos of churches are inevitable when you're passing through Europe. — Vienna, Austria.
A piano in the toilets. China, take note.
— Vienna, Austria.
Even the horses in Vienna are better dressed and classier than me. — Austria.
All aboard the tram. — Vienna, Austria.
During this trip I've slept on beds, bunk beds, sofas, chairs, and floors; and now, finally, an air-bed. — Prague, Czech Republic.
Jiřího z Poděbrad metro station. For a bonus point, what Radiohead song is this station mentioned in? — Prague, Czech Rebuplic.
Roller Derby. The coolest sport you've never seen. — Prague, Czech Republic.
Mala Strana. — Prague, Czech Republic.
Like something from a fairy tale. A cloudy, grey, wet fairy tale. — Prague, Czech Republic.
What time is it? Beer o'clock. Again. — Prague, Czech Republic.
Whatever you order in this country, you end up with meat, cabbage, and dumplings. — Prague, Czech Republic.
Nothing like a double absinthe coffee to perk you up on a rainy day of sightseeing. — Prague, Czech Republic.
Frankfurter Allee. — Berlin, Germany.
You know when you check in at a hostel and it's not quite what you were expecting? — Berlin, Germany.
Who'd live in a house like this? I'd probably give it a go if the wifi connection was ok. — Berlin, Germany.
Hitler wouldn't be pleased about this. — Berlin, Germany.
A wall. I'm not telling you which one. — Berlin, Germany.
Me, Bush, and Gorbachev. The world wanted them to be nicer to each other, but... — Berlin, Germany.
Currywurst. A fatty sausage with barbecue sauce and curry powder. Hits the spot every time. — Berlin, Germany.
A watch tower next to where the Berlin Wall used to be. Guys stood up there and shot people making a run for freedom. — Berlin, Germany.
"The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe". Not a very catchy name but it gets the point across. — Berlin, Germany.
Most of Amsterdam looks like this. — Netherlands.
This dude fitted his whole body through a squash racquet. I don't normally give cash to street performers, but he definitely earned his Euro. — Amsterdam, Netherlands.
For someone who can't ride a bicycle (yet), Amsterdam really rubs it in. — Netherlands.
Super Skunky. All the the kids love him. — Amsterdam, Netherlands.
Finally, a palace that isn't boring. — Amsterdam, Netherlands.
Doing a bit of Christmas shopping.
— Amsterdam, Netherlands.
Mushrooms for breakfast. — Amsterdam, Netherlands.
England signposted at last. Well, Engeland anyway. — Hoek van Holland, Netherlands.
I wish the boat from Australia to Singapore was as nice as this one. — Hoek van Holland, Netherlands.
I've made it! Australia to England without flying. Now, are there any flights from Harwich to London?!
English people spend more time in pubs than in bed. — London, England.
English breakfasts are the best breakfast in the world…for people who don't give a damn about their waistline or heart attacks. — London, England.
Oxford Circus. No clowns, but there was one idiot wearing flip-flops. — London, England.
Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, and the River Thames. Classic. — London, England.
Buckingham Palace. "Yo, Queenie, I'm back." — London, England.
Nelson's Column and Trafalgar Square. The unofficial centre of London. — London, England.
The cover for the album of Kazak and Serbian folk songs I'm releasing. — London, England.
The final train. Terrorists, please, please, please, don't blow it up. — London, England.
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